LIVING WITH GRIEF
DIa de Los Muertos
I lived in Santa Fe, New Mexico for many years. On November 1st and 2nd there are Day of the Dead (Dia de Los Muertos) celebrations. There are always food trucks, sugar skulls, cakes and other desserts as well as a range of activities and…marigolds everywhere! I used to love going, never realizing that one day I would be celebrating it in such a personal way.
Dia de Los Muertos (Day of the Dead)
Dia de Los Muertos comes only a few weeks after the day my daughter died. I knew even that first year I wanted to honor her on that day every day for as long as I live. I had moved from Santa Fe to a town south of Albuquerque just a few months before she died and I discovered that Tomé Hill was only a couple of miles from my home. I began leaving offerings for her on the altar at the top of the hill. It became a very special place for me. I got married there in 2023 to the love of my life whom I had dated over 25 years earlier. I contacted him knowing he would want to know. He came immediately to try and help me, even though I tried to dissuade him from coming. He was aware of how devastated I was and still am, yet he is still by my side today. We got married in 2023.
We celebrate Dia de Los Muertos every year and it has become an ongoing tradition we share with others honoring their loved ones.
Here is a link to the 2025 celebrations in Santa Fe.
CREATIVE EXPRESSION and GRIEF
This site was initially built as a platform to share my artwork after I retired. which I did do a couple of years ago now. Life changes made that alone feel trivial, so I am sharing my art as well as some insight I have gained over the years and in particular how I continue to cope with the loss of one of the most important people in my world.
Since the loss of my daughter in 2021, I am still often desperately seeking ways to deal with my sadness and grief and honor my daughter as well. My awareness of the power of continual experimentation, exploration and development of personal creativity throughout a lifetime comes into play. I want to share what I have learned with others and provide encouragement as well. I need that too.
A major goal during my years as an educator was encouraging students to continually experiment, explore and develop creatively in whatever forms their creative endeavors lead them, and to never stop doing that. There is much truth to the adage that the more you learn, the less you realize you actually know, and if that isn't an impetus to keep gaining knowledge and experience, what is?!
I have also always been acutely aware of the healing powers of creating, whether a painting, sculpture, recipe, poem, etc. Some people creatively engage with others in ways that just makes it a better day for everyone and that too is a vital form of creative expression.
A few days before she died, my daughter and I were texting and she thought she was getting better, but more slowly than she had anticipated and hoped for. Something happened between our discussions on Tuesday and her hospitalization and death a couple days later. At some point, I wrote the following. I just found it today, July 5, 2025, and I am posting it to share with anyone who wants to read it. I had forgotten I wrote this, although I will always remember every detail of those moments in time.
I love and miss you Kim. I will never say good-bye to you, only hello.
